Got this passive-aggressive email from a coworker: "Per my last email (and the one before that, and the one before that), the deadline was Friday. I've attached all three emails for your convenience. I've also CC'd your manager, my manager, and God, because at this point only divine intervention will get this spreadsheet done. Warmly, Jessica." I was on vacation. Jessica knew I was on vacation.
FinanceThe hotel I work at just posted this in the break room: "REMINDER: Smiling is part of your uniform. Failure to maintain a positive facial expression may result in a coaching conversation." Below it someone wrote in Sharpie: "My face is not company property." Management is investigating the "vandalism." We are in hell.
HospitalityOur company's Glassdoor reviews are SO bad that the CEO sent a company-wide email asking us to post positive ones. The email said, and I quote: "If you enjoy working here, please consider sharing your authentic positive experience. Suggested talking points attached." SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS. For an anonymous review site. The first talking point was "innovative leadership." I am deceased.
TechEmail from HR, subject line "Exciting Update!": "We're thrilled to announce that the free coffee program has been discontinued to invest in your growth. As a replacement, we're offering a 10% discount at the cafe across the street. We believe this change reflects our commitment to employee wellness and financial literacy." FINANCIAL LITERACY. For buying my own coffee. That they used to provide for free.
StartupSlack message from my manager at 8:02am: "Can you pop in for a quick chat?" Me: "Sure! About what?" Her: "Just want to align on a few things :)" The smiley face is doing A LOT of heavy lifting here because the "few things" turned out to be a 90-minute meeting about why my font choice in a PowerPoint was "not on brand." The font was Calibri. THE DEFAULT FONT.
MarketingMY BOSS'S SECRET LINKEDIN, Part 2: UPDATE. It gets worse. I found her secret LinkedIn's POST HISTORY. She's been posting about "toxic employees who don't appreciate visionary leadership." One post is CLEARLY about me — she described "a team member who questions every decision" and said leaders should "release people who dim your light." I have a screenshot. I dimmed her light by asking why we missed a deadline. I am saving these for my exit interview.
MarketingMy boss's exact Slack message, 11:47pm on a Sunday: "Hey! Quick question — are you free for a 6am call tomorrow? It's about the Q2 deck. Also unrelated but do you know a good plumber? My toilet is making a sound." Ma'am, boundaries. Also no, I do not know a plumber.
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