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I've been promoted 3 times in 4 years. I still don't know what my company actually does. At this point I'm too afraid to ask. Last week someone said "core competency" and I nodded like I knew what ours was. We might be in insurance? Or fintech? There's a lot of spreadsheets.

Had my camera off during a Zoom interview for an internal promotion. Forgot I was screen-sharing when I opened a tab titled "how to answer interview questions when you have no idea what you're doing." I got the promotion anyway. My new boss mentioned it in my first 1:1 and said "at least you're honest."

Replied all to a company-wide email meant for 3,000 people. The original email was about the holiday party. My reply, intended for my work bestie, said "If Greg from accounting does karaoke again I am filing a noise complaint with the actual police." Greg from accounting was on the email. Greg has not done karaoke since. You're welcome, everyone.

I've been waving at someone in my office building every morning for 8 months. Big smile, enthusiastic wave. Found out last week she's not waving at me — she's waving at the person behind me. I have been aggressively befriending a stranger who thinks I'm insane. We work on different floors. She doesn't know my name.

Called a parent "babe" at pick-up today. I am a preschool teacher. I have a boyfriend. The parent is a married woman. We made eye contact for what felt like 7 years. I am transferring classrooms.

I accidentally sent a Slack message calling my CEO "a LinkedIn motivational poster come to life" to... my CEO. He hearted it. We have not spoken since. It's been 4 months. Every all-hands meeting I sit in the back and pray he doesn't make eye contact.